End the Stigma Workshop Take II

On October 26th the MHWTC hosted another End the Stigma Workshop. The first workshop was a huge success and brought a lot of awareness for our charity Bring Change 2 Mind. This time we had  two very special guests- Glenn Close and her sister Jessie!! Glenn Close is the founder of Bring Change 2 Mind. Read about their mission here. I had the opportunity to share my story again. Below is what I shared.

Six months ago I stood in this same place at the End the Stigma Workshop and shared my story for the very first time. It was the first time I ever spoke the words; I lost my dad to suicide out loud. Sitting down and preparing to speak today allowed me the opportunity to really sit back and reflect on my journey the last six months.

My journey really began when Lydia announced Bring Change 2 Mind as this year’s charity over a year ago. I volunteered to be on the charity committee because I was struggling with the loss of my dad. I was hoping that volunteering would provide me with answers to my many questions, and peace for my broken heart.

I’m going to reread my words from the workshop in April.

My dad was always my biggest fan. He supported me in each and every aspect of my life. Some of my best memories, however, are being on the soccer field with my dad on the sideline. He actually paced the sidelines cheering, “Let’s go Skate!” My dad traveled hours for games that I played in for five minutes. He woke up very early, after working all night, to be at the first whistle of every game. Vacations were scheduled around soccer tournaments. In college, I had to convince him it was crazy to drive two and a half hours to watch me play an intramural soccer game. He was always encouraging and supportive. No matter what the outcome of the game, or how I played that day, he always welcomed me with a smile and a hug.

August 20, 2010 I lost my dad to suicide.

Five years prior to his death, my dad suffered a major stroke that took my family on a five-year rollercoaster of ups and downs. He suffered from debilitating depression and anxiety at times. Knowing that he needed serious help he checked himself into a crisis center. My dad tried countless counselors, psychiatrists, neurologists, and medication over the years. He fought hard. As his daughter, it was awful to see him hurt so bad, and not be able to help him. The last time I saw my dad I knew in my heart there was something seriously wrong. When I looked at him, looking at me, there was emptiness in his eyes where there usually was unconditional love. I could see a heavy blanket of despair wrapped around him. I felt helpless. I didn’t know what to say, so I didn’t say anything. That is something I regret. I was uncomfortable talking to my dad about depression, anxiety, and his thoughts of suicide. My advice to people in a similar situation is, speak up! Speak up about your feelings, even if it is just to say you are scared. Speak up to medical professionals by asking questions. Then ask more questions. Continue asking questions until you get a clear answer. There are so many people who devote their lives to helping others cope with mental illness. Did you know that the National Suicide Prevention hotline is not just for people in crisis? If you are concerned about a loved one they encourage you to call so that you can find out what resources are available in your area. Your call is routed to the Lifeline center closest to your area. I believe silence helps perpetuate the stigma surrounding mental health and suicide. People do not want to talk about these topics because they are uncomfortable, but we need to. We need to so that we can learn, discover, heal, cope, and survive.

When Lydia announced the charity for the year I knew it was an opportunity for me to step up and speak out. I am still uncomfortable and uneasy talking about suicide, depression, and anxiety but I promised myself I would not allow this feeling silence me this time. Feelings of regret have haunted me and caused me a lot of pain over the last couple years. I have come to a place where I know I need to channel these feelings of regret to do something beneficial for others and myself. I came across this quote recently and I pray that it is true: When you stand and share your story in an empowering way, your story will heal you and your story will heal somebody else. I hope my words today have given someone in a similar situation the courage to speak up.

I have heard many people say that they notice I smile during triathlons. There is a simple reason for this; it is because I know my dad is with me. I know my dad is with me because he would not miss an opportunity to cheer me on. My dad is still my biggest fan.

Over the past month I have reread this speech many times. Each time I reread it one word kept grabbing my attention. That word was regret. Standing here tonight I can say my prayer has been answered. While I still miss my dad terribly, I no longer have those feelings of regret.  At that time I was unsure of how sharing my story would affect me. However, I have realized that talking about my dad and volunteering for Bring Change 2 Mind has released those feelings of regret and set me on my path to healing. A quote from Maya Angelou’s resonates with me tonight, do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better.

I wanted to end on a similar note as in April. Colleen posted a picture of me crossing the finish line at Queen of the Hill. I noticed in that picture that I am definitely not smiling. It is evident that I was in pain, and there is another triathlete, Katie, right on my heels. This picture shows me that not only is my dad my biggest fan, he also taught me how to be a true fighter.

If you are struggling with a mental illness or have a loved one who is, keep fighting and remember together we can Bring Change 2 Mind. 

MHWTC End of the Year Party!

This weekend the MHWTC hosted their annual end of the year bash. It was a very memorable night. Like each and every event the triathlon club hosts, no detail was spared. The event was held at the beautiful Pratt Gardens. The decoration committee added to this beauty. The delicious Rode's catered, there was a very fun band, and a packed photo booth all night! However, the best part of the night was hanging out with so many inspiring women.

There was an award ceremony to honor the accomplishments of members throughout the year. The most determined award was presented to two women whom at the beginning of the season struggled to swim one lap in a pool, and by the end of the season participated in open water swims and triathlons. The most resilient award was presented to a friend of mine who overcame a terrible bike accident last fall, and got herself right back on the bike this season, still smiling! I was extremely honored to be awarded member of the year, in a club filled with so many motivated women. Winning Queen of the Hill was something I will never forget, but being a part of this years Bring Change 2 Mind charity committee has changed my life. The conversations we have had about mental health, the money we have raised, and the stigma surrounding mental health we have been able to shine a light on is something I am very proud of!

We are still not done, Run the Hill is coming up quickly and will be an amazing conclusion to this season!

Beautiful background

Decoration committee's beautiful work!

AC tri Relay team!

The founders of the club who dedicate countless hours to this club

Too much fun!

Confessions of a Depressed Comic

Check out this video below from Kevin Bree. He is a teenager, stand up comic, a writer, and an activist for mental health. In this powerful video he explains the stigma surrounding depression.

 Confessions of a Depressed Comic 

Below are a couple quotes that really resonated with me. 

"Real depression isn't being sad when something in your life goes wrong. Real depression is being sad when everything in your life is going right."

"Depression isn't chicken pox. You don't beat it once and it's gone forever. It's something you live with. It's something you live in."

"We live in a world that if you break your arm everyone runs over to sign your cast, but if you tell people you are depressed everyone runs the other way. That's the stigma."

"As a society we are so accepting of any body part breaking down other than our brains, and that's ignorance."

The MHWTC is hosting Run the Hill on October 27th. We are running to help end the stigma surrounding mental health. Find out more about the race here! Join us as we each try to change a mind about mental health.

Queen of the Hill

This weekend the Mullica Hill Women's Triathlon Club hosted their 3rd annual Queen of the Hill Sprint Triathlon at Lake Gillman in Monroeville, NJ. This female-only race featured a 1/4 mile swim in a beautiful private lake, followed by a scenic 10-mile bike ride through Mullica Hill, and then finished with a 5k run. This year the triathlon sold out in a week.

Saturday morning about 350 MHWTC members swam, biked, and ran their hearts out! My favorite part of the race was standing at the finish line and watching everyone come in. It was hard not to get chills watching that many women complete a goal they have set for themselves. There were lots of tears, doubts and butterflies at the start of the race. However, at the end of the race there were lots SMILES, hugs and laughs. I am so proud to be a part of this club that inspires and motivates women to do things they never thought would be possible, including me!

The morning before the race I checked out my times from last year on each individual event. My goals for the race were to improve my bike and run times. I had times and averages in mind based on my training. When it comes to setting fitness goals, I think it is so important that they are centered around improving personally. It is extremely motivating to achieve a personal record on a swim, bike or run that you thought was not possible a few months ago. This is what will keep you going! Try not to compare yourself to others, that is a waste of negative energy. With that said, most importantly..... I dropped 2:30 minutes off my time from last year! That is a decent amount of time in a sprint triathlon. Also, on this amazing day the stars were in alignment for me and my #1 fan was with me the entire way because I WON the race! I am the 2013 MHWTC Queen of the Hill. I finished one second ahead of the second place finisher Katie. When she sped past me on the bike I cheered her on, and when I passed her on the run she cheered me on. We sprinted the last 100 meters together, and on this particular day, I was able to have that one second advantage. We collapsed on the ground and hugged, and in the spirit of this club, I met a new friend! Because that's what it is all about encouraging and motivating each other to be the best we can be.

It is a day I will never forget!

Thank you to Michelle who works hard to carry out the best triathlon of the year! As always thanks to Colleen, Lydia and Maureen who devote so many hours to this club. Thanks to Ron and Jason Griscom, my super supportive semi-unoffocial CrossFit/Triathlon coaches, who helped me so much (check back soon for the huge role CrossFit played in achieving all these goals)! A final thank-you to all the volunteers who spent their Saturday morning helping out!

This is what one second looks like.

Big smiles!

Grils compete with each other, women empower one another.

MHWTC 2013

Escape the Cape Triathlon

Last weekend I competed in my first triathlon of the season. It was amazing, and I am nervous that my other triathlons this season will not be able to compare! When I first heard that the Escape the Cape triathlon would start with a jump off the Cape May-Lewes ferry I knew I could not miss this one. I love trying new and exciting things, and this was definitely both.

Waking up at 4:30 Sunday morning I asked myself a question I'm sure many others do, why am I doing this? After reminding myself the answer to that question and how thankful I am to be able to compete, I had my new and improved pre-race breakfast. When we got to the ferry terminal you could feel the energy in the air. Everyone was so excited to be apart of this first time event! I set up my transition area and did my normal pre-race routine. When it was time, we all boarded the ferry with our wetsuits on, rode out .35 miles, and got ready to JUMP!  I only had a split second to look out and appreciate how amazing this experience was, before my friend jumped in. I couldn't let her get too far ahead of me! I loved the swim and felt comfortable in my first race wearing a wetsuit. After exiting the water, we had a long run to the transition. I was able to get my wetsuit off quickly using the advice my friend at ETA coach gave me (check out his website if you are in need of any help related to swimming, biking, or running). Then we had a beautiful ten mile bike ride around Cape May. Parts of the bike ride I felt really strong and fast, but this is still the area I need to improve the most! The run was challenging, the first half mile was on the soft sand. The last half mile was also on the sand along the shoreline. Even though it was hard, how can you not love running beside the ocean?! However, I also loved arriving at the finish line! I got to cheer on my best friend as she completed her very first triathlon. She did amazing, and has some road rash to prove it! Overall, I was happy with my race, and proud that I came in 2nd place in my age group. Like every other type a athlete though, it didn't take long for me to start thinking about my next race, and what I need to do to improve. BIKE! BIKE! BIKE!

Here is a video of the event!

If you are thinking of doing a triathlon this season I highly recommend DelMo Sports. I did the Wildwood and Atlantic City triathlon last year and had a great experience. They think of everything; and carry out not only a great race, but a great experience overall.

Practice swim the day before

My MHWTC jump buddies

Twin Capes

The JUMP!

 My best friend Milena's first triathlon

2nd place!

Lydia and I. She is head of our charity committee 

MHWTC Escape the Cape 2013

We even got to do a little CrossFit

Pre-Race Meal

I have had stomach issues my whole life. That is what pushed me to do the three month elimination diet, where I found out I was sensitive to gluten and allergic to dairy! I  am always trying to figure out the perfect pre-race meal. I have tried everything! A friend of mine recommend trying a liquid breakfast, so I blended together my usual pre-workout favorites:

The search is over! This tastes so good I almost counted it as a cheat meal. It also gave me the perfect balance of calories and carbohydrates!

Chunky Monkey Protein Shake

1/2 cup gluten free rolled oats
1 tbs. peanut butter
1 banana
1 cup chocolate almond milk (or vanilla)
handful of ice/ water to get the consistency you like

Mix all ingredients together in blender.

I played around with the recipe the week before the race. It is never a good idea to try something new the day of a race.

Goal Setting & CrossFit

Each Step Takes You Closer to Your Goal

As a teacher I talk to my middle school students often about the importance of setting goals, planning how to reach goals, putting in the work necessary to reach goals, and celebrating success once a goal is accomplished. As a teacher I am also expected to set quarterly S.M.A.R.T. goals. This stands for specific, measurable, attainable, realistic, and timely. Every marking period I sit down and look at student data and set challenging goals. I then plan what I need to do to make sure my struggling readers achieve these goals, and everyday I do whatever I can to help my students bridge the gap from where they are to where I want them to be.  Of course, celebrating their success is the easy part (they love my candy)!

When talking to friends I often have said things like, I want to run faster, I want to run a marathon, I want to complete an Ironman, I want to be a better biker, etc. However, I never used the same strategy I preach daily. One of my favorite teachers used to say the difference between a wish and a goal is a plan and a deadline. All of these things were wishes because I never had a specific plan to help me achieve these goals. I ran, biked, and swam a lot and sometimes even loosely followed a plan I printed offline. However, I never picked one specific goal and sat down and figured out what I was going to do to achieve that goal. An example of this is, like many runners, I have always had the lofty goal of running a marathon. This summer I signed up for the Philadelphia Marathon while in the middle of training for my first Olympic distance triathlon. I found a training plan online, printed it out, and taped it to my mirror. It was probably a good plan, and if I followed it as written I might have successfully completed my first marathon. However, I couldn't fit in all the running the plan required while also training for the Olympic distance triathlon. So, I decided that I would just make sure every Sunday I completed the long run that progressively built each week (after completing a tough brick workout on Saturday). You probably can guess where this left me- miserable on the couch the entire month of November. Not only could I not complete the marathon, I was struggling to just walk around my house. I went to the doctor who said I had plantar fascists. He gave me painful cortisone shots and made me expensive orthotics. (Looking back I would have rethought both of these decisions) I was eager to get a quick fix and start running again. I started researching early spring marathons.

December 1st hit and I started running again. I was a little smarter this time and made sure to follow the 10-Percent Rule. However, I was still frustrated because I was experiencing a lot of pain. By the end of January I knew a marathon was out of the question. My doctor encouraged me to continue exercising, but I knew I needed to scale back on the running miles. I treated myself to a bike trainer and a new bathing suit because I figured my winter would be filled with biking and running. I am an outdoors person, so I quickly grew bored of the laps in the pool and hours on the bike trainer. Instead of looking forward to working out, I was dreading it. About the same time the MHWTC offered a free trial class at our  local CrossFit gym, I signed up. I had heard about it a lot before, but was never was interested in weight lifting (which I thought was the only focus). How could weight lifting possibly make you faster, I thought. Well it did.....and I was hooked.

This post is about goal setting, so I will stick to that and save my newly found love for CrossFit for another post. The high intensity workouts I was completing, and a focus in CrossFit of setting individual goals made me finally sit down and do what I encourage my students to do everyday....

Set a goal: Set a new PR (personal record) of 23 minutes flat in a 5K
Plan how you will meet the goal: CrossFit classes, one day of speed work, and one 3.5 mile run per week
Work hard: Every day but rest days
Celebrate Success: New Sneakers, of course!

This post is getting long, so I will skip to the chase. I achieved my goal at the MikesMiles for JDRF run. I crossed the finish line at 22.51. I celebrated with a glass of wine since we were at the beautiful Cedarville Winery. Being that the run was a good portion sand and trail, I also set my new goal of 22 minutes flat! The new sneakers are coming soon!

All award winners who received a gift certificate to our local running store!

22 minutes flat!

I see this every morning. Balance is a goal that I am constantly struggling to attain, and don't we all have the goal of feeling great in our bathing suit this summer!

End the Stigma Workshop

20 Seconds of Insane Courage

On Monday the MHWTC hosted an End the Stigma Workshop. It was an important night of education and inspiration with a goal of raising awareness and reducing the stigma surrounding mental illness.  Club members shared profoundly touching and deeply inspiring personal stories, a panel of experts in the mental health field provided information and answered our questions on mental health issues, and local resources were provided.

My friend Alicia was one of our members who worked very hard to make this night such a success. She is also one of my blogging inspirations. You have to check out her blog- she is a pro! 

I was asked if I would be willing to share my story when we were discussing the topic of suicide. At first I thought no way- I haven't even talked to my closest family members and friends about some of my thoughts and feelings surrounding my dad's death. But then I had a familiar feeling creep up. It was the feeling I had the days and months after my dad's death when I thought about how awful I felt that I did not speak up when I knew he was in a terrible place. Regret is a slippery slope. Most people are quick to say that you should have no regrets in your life. I agree to an extent. Do I know that it was not my fault that my dad committed suicide, and do I know I could not have stopped it? Now- yes I do. However, knowing what I now know, would I have done things differently? Yes. I also want others in a similar situation to know what I would do differently. 

When preparing for the speech I started with my original My Biggest Fan post but since this forum was a perfect opportunity to reach out to others who may be dealing with some of the same issues I added a little bit. Here is an excerpt:

The last time I saw my dad I knew in my heart there was something seriously wrong. When I looked at him, looking at me, there was emptiness in his eyes where there usually was unconditional love. I could see a heavy blanket of despair wrapped around him. I felt helpless. I didn’t know what to say, so I didn’t say anything. That is something I regret. I was uncomfortable talking to my dad about depression, anxiety, and his thoughts of suicide. My advice to people in a similar situation is, speak up! Speak up about your feelings, even if it is just to say you are scared. Speak up to medical professionals by asking questions. Then ask more questions. Continue asking questions until you get a clear answer. There are so many people who devote their lives to helping others cope with mental illness. Did you know that the National Suicide Prevention hotline is not just for people in crisis? If you are concerned about a loved one they encourage you to call so that you can find out what resources are available in your area. Your call is routed to the Lifeline center closest to your area. I believe silence helps perpetuate the stigma surrounding mental health and suicide. People do not want to talk about these topics because they are uncomfortable, but we need to. We need to so that we can learn, discover, heal, cope, and survive.

I knew that sharing my story was going to be extremely emotional. However, I was not prepared to be in tears before the speech because of the courageous stories the three women before me shared. I reminded myself of the quote a good friend shared with me earlier in the week. 

"Sometimes all you need is twenty seconds of insane courage. Just literally twenty seconds of embarrassing bravery. And I promise you something great will come of it."

After a hug and kiss from my mom, I walked up to the podium in tears already. Honestly, after that it was a total blur. I was able to get through my speech, and look up at so many encouraging faces a couple times. Afterwards, so many people approached me and thanked me for being so brave, and they shared their personal stories with me. I never considered myself brave and felt incredibly honored that others felt comfortable and safe sharing their stories with me. I could not hang around for long because it was such an emotional couple hours. I needed to take a deep breath and have a couple drinks (we are all human right)?! More about "all natural Stoli Doli's" later :)

In summary, it was one of the most important nights of my life. Thank-you to my mom, Milena, Jen, Caroline, and Talia for being there to support me. 

Alicia and Leanne worked so hard to make this night possible!

Two of our very knowledgeable panel members   

You!

We did it!

Yoga & Meditation

Yoga & Meditation Workshop

The MHWTC hosted a yoga and meditation workshop. I have to admit neither of these are things I enjoyed in the past. My mind was always racing and I was constantly staring at the clock. I don't think I was ever able to stay in the moment and relax. This time it was different. One of our members, Laura, owns Fitness Yoga. She gave me a new outlook on yoga and meditation. During the meditation part of the session I was amazed at how calm I felt. Not once did I think about the emails I had waiting for me when I got home or the lesson plans I needed to finish. Laura recommended signing up for a Oprah & Deepak's 21-Day Meditation Challenge. (Oprah&Deepak) I have listened to a couple of their online guided meditation sessions  before going to bed, and I really notice a difference in how I sleep and my stress level. 

The yoga session was just as beneficial. I learned some great new stretches and was reminded how challenging some of the popular poses are. Like a lot of runners I have very tight hamstrings, so I know I would really benefit from incorporating yoga into my exercise plan. Besides improving flexibility, strength, and balance yoga has also proven to be effective in helping people deal with anxiety and depression.